Week 5 and we are almost at the halfway stage of the competition and boy have we got something special this week. As a “young” upcoming journalist I like to try and keep things fresh and enjoyable for everyone, some say we have turned more corners this week then half of the drivers. Some say we’ve turned more times then TheAshCohen09 and ImmortalTanz did on turn one, but hopefully you will enjoy it all the same.
This weeks magnificent track is Spa, and for me one of the best tracks on the calendar. This is the fastest and one of the most tricky long courses on the circuit, straight from the off about 200/300 meters from the start line you have a cracking hairpin right hander which leads into the up hill s-bend which your probably taking well over 200mph, one wrong move here and your done for. The high Chambers on the other really fast corners will catch a lot of people off guard and we fully expected a lot of crashes even from our elite drivers.
Qualifying
There was a lot to do to beat the 1:41.553 set last year by Lewis Hamilton and to be honest nobody came close. By the looks of things wellsa27 just loves to get wet as for the second week running the Mobility Scooter Championship had rain in their qualifying session and the man in the monstrous pink Force India smashed out a stunning 2:02.783 which is a remarkable time on this track in the rain. A massive 4 drivers failed to qualify in extremely difficult conditions which really should have told us everything we needed to know about race day.
In the AG Elite Racing Championship it was a completely different story with perfect weather conditions we saw some amazing lap times. Unlike the Mobility Scooter Championship every driver finished qualifying and the top 5 where all within 1 second of each other.
There was none faster then SoggyCabbages which was always going to be the case after the last few races he seems to have really found his form. He wasn’t a million miles ahead of the pack however as IDanger IMouse put in this ferocious lap:
Raceday
As you can see by the video supplied by IDanger IMouse Spa was a masterclass in crashes, it was absolutely brutal, and maybe deservedly the Wanker Of The Day. As for the exclusive DRIVER OF THE DAY it goes to whoever finished the race as the true grit and determination to do well really shine. If I had to single one driver out I suppose it would have to be SoggyCabbages but that’s just because he wasn’t apart of any incidents and never left first place.
As for the Mobility Scooter Championship it was pretty much the same story as the AG Elite Racing Championship with another 7 drivers not being able to complete the race. This just shows how really testing and demanding the course can be and next week is Singapore so I hope the drivers will put more practice into it then they did for Spa. Despite there being 7 crashes there was only a couple of videos available from the teams, I firmly believe the others destroyed their footage in a desperate attempt to hide all shame and disgust. Here’s a few clips from the Mobility Scooter Championship:
None of these this week actually feature our Wanker Of The day which is a real shame and something I like to try and incorporate into my videos. This weeks WOTD deserves a special mention, this is down to the fact he was so much of a “Wanker” he’s occupying both WOTD slots, a first of the season.
ThePacfish occupies the ultimate WOTD position for this week as my sources tell me:
“Pac also had me off track purposely just because me and him clipped on the chicane. Childish. “
Normally I would ignore such comments without hard evidence to support such scandalous accusations, however in an amazing turn of events ThePacfish openly admitted to the press his wrong doing:
“ Got span on the last corner of lap 1 by accident and took my vengeance on Ryjones88 on the next corner. Dick move and I got it wrong.”
Some shocking events and hopefully some sanctions to come at the hands of the AG Elite Racing Board and ThePacfish maybe the 2nd fine of the season, after Joe received a £3 million sanction for an accidental take out I should imagine it will be a harsher fine for something that happened on purpose as we DO Not want that sort of thing in our glorious sport.
In an amazing turn of events aaronc333 got this weeks overall admiration and is deservedly the Driver Of The Day, after suffering week after week, The Renault team have been stuck at the bottom of the Constructors Championship all season, but it finally looks like they have found their pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Here’s an exclusive interview with the main man:
Driver of the day... How does that sound?
Sounds like being called driver of the day........................Has a nice ring to it. Never expected it. I'd like to thank my mum, my dog and my childhood hero, David Coulthard. My god what a beautiful man he is.
Your first podium finish... First of many or are you just experiencing a rare phenomenon?
I'd like to think it's the first of many, I do think I'm getting better as the weeks go on. Once you take out Wellsa & Burga, I think the rest are quite level, so you have around 10-12 people fighting for that last spot, hopefully I can make that spot mine more often than not.
I have to ask which is better your podium place or Driver of the day?
Has to be the podium. Great to see myself stood up there being sprayed on by two other men. I mean, who doesn't dream of that happening to them one day. Nice to get some votes for DOTD though, thank you to whoever voted.
I have been given viable information that other drivers didn't even complete qualifying or for that matter practice, how did you prepare for this weekend?
I practiced by driving 380 miles from Cornwall, getting home at 7pm, then going to football to at 8pm, arriving home againat 9:30pm, to jump straight on the F1. My coach had been wanting me to try this, as he felt it could really benefit me. Really not looking to it this Monday.
It was a truly magnificent race with only half of the drivers able to complete the race, how did u manage this testing track?
Indeed it was amazing, we lost a lot of drivers and finished with, I think, 8 driver, might have been 7. Same way I always manage it, close my eyes, get round the first corner, and hope that I have 4 wheels left on my car. Wonder if that's why I'm hitting people? Hmmm. Apart from the first 4/5 laps, I had a clear track in front of me, so it was about being smart, no need to take risks considering the guys in 1-2 were 30 seconds in front.
Next up is Singapore, the most brutal track on this seasons calendar, have you and your team travelled over for some early practice sessions?
The closet I've come to Singapore was my naked noodle the big one egg noodles Singapore curry that I had for tea last night. I've heard bad things about the track, so I'll try to get some practice in over the weekend.
How many drivers do you think will be promoted this season?
I'm not sure. How many actually go up?
Who do you think will be promoted to Elite race, and who do you think will get demoted?
Depending on the number that go up. I'll say Wellsa, Burga and/or OOMESSI. They seem to be the 3 standout drivers in Div 2. Who will come down? Either Ash, Tanz, Goldenbeard or Recluse. Although some of them have missed a few weeks, so they might claw some points back as the season goes on.
Finally thank you for taking the time to talk to us any last words for your adoring fans and fellow drivers?
I only have one fan. Little Colin from N.Ireland. Bless him, his mum keeps getting in touch my agent, asking if a meeting would be possible, or a chance of maybe coming to a race weekend and polishing my helmet. Hopefully we can arrange it. He'd really enjoy it I think. Watching an F1 race really makes the hares on the back of your neck stand up.
Standings
Well after all the turmoil and stupendous amount of crashes SoggyCabbages extends his lead to almost 30 points and at just 5 races in it seems SoggyCabbages could probably take 2 weeks off and still win the Championship with ease., and if he keeps up this form he could potentially win the series by the time we reach Australia. This weeks biggest mover is Harryn9000 as he pushes himself up to 3rd only 3 points away from 2nd place Joe. Biggest loser of the week is IDanger IMouse with yet another none finish and seems to be really struggling to get to grips with the Aston Martin car.
In the Mobility Scooter Championship wellsa27 finally breaks free from the rest of the pack with 2 wins in quick succession and with OOMESSI crashing out he’s extended his lead by a huge 15 point gap. The biggest winners of the weekend was Burga boii who is now joint second on 42 points and a huge shout out to aaronc333 once again.
Division 1
67 - SoggyCabbages - Force India (15, 15, 15, 12, 10)
36 - Joe - Ferrari (12, 12, 7, 5)
33 - Harry - Force India (12, 10, 5, 4, 2)
27 - Shmidwell - Ferrari (10, 7, 7, 3)
26 - Colmaw - Renault (10, 6, 6, 4)
22 - Bonzy - Williams (12, 10)
22 - TheMalien - Mercedes (7, 6, 6, 3)
21 - idangermouse - Aston Martin (15, 6)
20 - RFC Buncey - Haas (15, 5)
17 - MGC O NAKEDZ - Aston Martin (7, 5,4, 1)
8 - TheAshCohen - Renault (3, 2, 2, 1)
6 - SuitedRecluse - Mercedes (4, 2)
6 - Goldenbeard - Haas (5, 1)
3 - ImmortalTanz - Williams (3)
1 - GeordieCrawf - Solo (1)
Division 2
57 - Wellsa - Force India (15, 15, 15, 12)
42 - Burga Boi - Williams (15, 12, 7, 6, 2)
42 - OOMESSI - Mercedes (12, 10, 10, 10)
38 - Jxcquesy - Aston Martin (15, 12, 7, 4)
29 - ThePacFish - Haas (10, 7, 5, 4, 3)
26 - Aaron - Renault (10, 6, 5, 5)
23 - Riverman - Force India (7, 6, 4, 4, 2)
17 - RyJones - Aston Martin (12, 5)
14 - Berty44 - Ferrari (6, 5, 2, 1)
12 - Big B - Ferrari (7, 4, 1)
8 - Paullowes - Solo (6, 2)
6 - EmotionalWorm - Renault (3, 3)
3 - Red Rhinoceros - Haas (3)
2 - Payne Wales - Williams (1, 1)
Constructors Championship
180 - Force India
93 - Aston Martin
89 - Ferrari
70 - Mercedes
69 - Williams
66 - Renault
58 - Haas
In the Constructors Championship Force India Extend their lead to an insurmountable 90 point lead and can now fully relax for the remainder of the season. Aston Martin still hold a narrow 4 point lead over Ferrari and Finally... RENAULT ARE NOT Bottom!! Unfortunately that does mean Haas occupy the rear which is where I’ve heard Red Rhinoceros likes to be. As mentioned earlier next week is Singapore and if this week is anything to go by then we are fully expecting even less to finish the race next week. Have fun!