I will apologise in advance, but this review is going to be nothing more than an annoyed rant at how annoyingly bad Giana Sisters: Dream Runners actually is. There is no reason why something that ties itself to such a colourful history soil itself with such a badly conceived idea that you feel cheated within five minutes to then feel such an urge to turn it off that you even feel cheated getting the game for free to review. It is such a bad title that I would urge you to stay away. I will try and tell you why without the need for expletives or a sacrifice, whatever comes first.
The premise for the game is basically a mash up between a platformer and a racing game. Now, if I was a bit poo at platform games I would think that it was fair enough to not be particularly good at this and only get annoyed because of my heroic incompetence. The truth is that I have gotten 100% on Rayman Legends, which is a FAR superior game in every way, and that would probably mean I can handle retro gaming with a bit more ease than some.
How wrong could I be. I booted this up and tried to find an online match...... and waited..... and then waited some more until I just got fed up and made up my own custom game with myself and three other AI players. Now, for the benefit of my frustration I would like to point out that the AI was on EASY. Yes, you heard me correctly, it was on the easiest setting simply because it was my first go at it and I wanted to get to grips with the way it handles. The klaxon goes and off we all run, trying to outpace each other and get to the finish first.
This, as anyone of knowledge can figure out, didn't happen. Within 10 seconds I got stuck in scenery and the death timer went up, which then led me to frustration and then to hit the button to hurry things up and end the race. First go problems, I thought, so there is no harm in carrying on. Well, there was, as this kept happening again and again and yet again and by this time the frustration was really starting to get the better of me.
Yes, friends, this game had me heading for the off switch within 5 minutes, refusing to give it another shot in my machine. I did try again later, for the fairness of the review, but it was just the same. The thought process just has not been implemented here. The idea in theory isn't actually bad, as other platform games already do this, like Rayman Legends (again) but the way they do it is a lot better and much more fun for the player than what is available here to do.
The amount of courses and the player selection then became totally pointless. There are 9 courses if you need the stats in your life, but their layout is too tricky to be a racer and too frustrating to be a platformer in its own right. The last Giana Sisters game was not actually that bad, which makes this even more frustrating because you know there is something good in there, but not when it is brought to you in this manner. It's a bit like having the ingredients for a Michelin star main course brought to you in a takeaway box and a wooden fork.
The ability to play with friends locally may well help a little if you are all on the same difficulty level. I think the alarming thing for me was the fact it was so hard to find a match to play online. Even the ranked section was empty for me, with noone on during prime hours, which was scary. It is a bit tough to decide whether or not this was rushed out for some reason.
This should have either been a Micro Machines styled racer, like the said game or even the brilliant, yet forgotten, Mashed, or it could have been a proper follow up which would have gained more favour with the fans. The fact is it just doesn't know what it wants to be and this is the downfall. The fact is that for only a few pounds more right now you can pick up a far better platforming game in Rayman and it has multiplayer options and a load of leaderboard functionality as well, so it is such a no brainer that it doesn't bear thinking about anyway, not to mention it looks a hell of a lot nicer too.
The fact is that this is a game with a little promise and a good enough idea on paper, but like an axe wielder with a blunt blade at a death sentence, the subject was badly executed. There is no reason to want to go back to Giana Sisters: Dream Runners in any way shape or form, so do yourself the right thing, and don't bother to start with. More time and thought would have helped, but not enough to bring this in line with some other high end titles which are in the same price bracket.
Thanks to the Xbox Community for allowing us to review this game. We also thank them for allowing us to alarm people into avoiding it and getting a proper title, like Rayman. I can see why people would think I'm being paid by Ubisoft, but the fact is that it is a far better game and is almost the same price. Make an old retro gamer happy and get that instead....
.....please.
